Bye Bye to "honeymoon" stage...

There are stages to group development; there are phases that we have to go through. I understand that each of us is raised differently and that we come from different backgrounds. I understand that despite our differences and perspectives we still have to somehow work together... I know that, I know that.....

I knew that this experience would be frustrating, but I never realized how frustrating it could actually get. The worst feeling of all is when you know something is bothering you, but nothing you do seems to be affecting it. When you feel completely helpless in what you want.

This program has so much potential and so much power it could put forth, but it's all determined by the participants. Which is a very promising and encouraging mindset, but it also means that a couple negative attitudes from the group becomes contagious amongst all.

Ultimately, participation is what really bothers me the most. We can't build a group unless everyone takes part in activities and speaks up with what they want. I'm the type of person who needs feedback and needs people to respond to me. I'm the type of person who wants to know what you like or don't like. It's hard working as a group when people aren't up front with what their opinions instead people stare at you blankly. Yes, it could be a language barrier but things have been explained and explain so many times and other situations have arised where it’s obvious that the language barrier is not the factor.

Some parts of the program are also very restricting. The program strives to have us go through experiential learning and informal education. I'm all for it, but there seems to be no guidance where needed and too many rules where you don't want them. Tight rules of not being able to leave the community, telling us to be creative with our educational days but not giving us the resources, lack of standards for the days. It is constantly emphasized to us that we have to experience the community and the lifestyle, hence why we live with host families and work with local organizations. We're also constantly reminded of non to be involved in exclusive activities and relationships. But it's so contradicting that as much as we are warned not to be exclusive, it’s frustrating of all families, one family is having to travel on the bus for 40mins from downtown while the others are simply a 15min walk away. Not to mention the buses end at 10:30pm at night..uuhh..... As for experiencing the culture here, I'd consider going to a pub at least once should be part of that package. It doesn't mean that you get drunk or out of control. Drinking doesn't even have to be involved. But the atmosphere of a pub is one that we are so familiar with and what is often the social scene for our generation. we meet people, we chit chat we have fun, but if rules and warnings are put forth discouraging participation in such activities. I see that as just being hypocritical.....

These are some of the issues that have been bothering me. It definitely hasn't been a walk in the park. But it’s just the way it is for now.. We have our Mid-Project Weekend Session coming up so that will give us to all sit down and talk about our issues. Many of us are in "different" situations.... and we definitely all have our issues...

Anyways, enough with the venting.. It's thanksgiving weekend. I'll be helping out with preparing for dinner at the Women's Emergency Shelter. That'll be fun, and we're also planning a movie marathon since there are only 3 out of the 9 host families left in town this weekend...